Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
