His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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