his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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