I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
