these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
