Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
