I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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