I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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