im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
