i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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