The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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