Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
