Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
