Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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