My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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