The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
