I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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