Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
