Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
