Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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