I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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