I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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