if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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