i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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