I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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