put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
