Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize