I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
