I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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