Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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