New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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