Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
