I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
