You really coming over, don't trick.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
