hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
