That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
