What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
