I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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