i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize