I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
