Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
