Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize