We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
