My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
