Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
