If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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