I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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