Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
