She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We got so high we made milksteak
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
