I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
