how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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