if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
