I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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