I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
