why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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