I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize