So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
