He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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