my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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