I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
