the day after is always just damage control
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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