Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
