just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
