I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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