i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
