Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This house was built for laser tag.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
