well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
