When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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